Sisterly Guide: Running Your First 5K

A Sisterly Guide to Running Your First 5K

and Keeping Up Appearances

I first wrote this piece for a graduate class I was taking.  However, it has evolved over time.  For all of you out there who want to be runners but just aren't... this is for you.

 

I’m an admitted ex-couch potato.  Six months ago, I was perfectly content sitting on the couch, watching Bravo marathons of The Real Housewives of New York, The Millionaire Matchmaker, and Project Runway.  I’d been successful pretending not to notice the extra pounds that had crept onto my thighs over the past several years until I encountered a sudden reality check—a photo taken of me as I taught a class of seventh graders.  That picture really got me running—straight to the nearest Weight Watchers location where I slapped on a nametag and handed over my credit card with gusto. 

That same day, I got an email about a local 5K race happening in my hometown in six weeks.  This was ironic, as the only running I had done lately was to try and beat my husband to the remote control so I could avoid watching Sports Center.  Normally, I would have hit “delete” right away, sending that email out into the vast cyberspace garbage dumpster, but something made me save it.  As I hit the “save” button, I vowed that I would complete a 5K and my only real goal for myself was to not be last.  And my sisters, I’m here to tell you that if I can do this, then you certainly can, too.  

Hubby and Me Just Before the Candlelight Run 5K (a night run in Greenville, SC)

As I trained for my first 5K, I was a little lost at first.  I started off asking my running friends for advice.  They said things like, “Try running for 5 minutes at a time at first.”  Or “Try taking long strides and keeping your knees up.”  I found that these two tips did not help me much.  Keep your knees up?  Run for FIVE minutes?  People, I was doing well if I could run for ONE minute when I started!  So, I found that I had to ask people who had once been like me—a true running virgin—and could actually remember how they got started.  Those are the kinds of people who will tell you to turn to a truly realistic training program called “From the Couch to a 5K,” in order to get ready for your first race.  And I found a lot of other helpful advice that I hope you can use, too.  I have even formed a philosophy about running which is at the heart of everything I will tell you here.  Listen carefully.  The idea is, “It’s all about appearances.”

First, let’s talk running gear.  When I started running, I just knew I needed a cute little running outfit, so I headed straight to Target.  I never knew spandex came in so many colors.  And skirts!  Made just for running!  With little shorts built in!  Matching dry-fit tank tops!    Everywhere I looked I saw tags that read things like “Wicking!” or “Dual-Layer Support!”  I was not sure what these words even meant, but I was pretty sure I would be a better runner if I had those clothes.  Sisters, I encourage you all to get up right now (or tomorrow morning), go to Target, and buy yourself a great-looking running outfit.  Even if it does not improve your time, it will make you LOOK more like a runner.  Remember, it’s all about appearances.

There are two other crucial pieces of equipment that you will need.  PLEASE, do yourself a favor and get yourself a GOOD running bra.  Do not buy the one that has the orange CLEARANCE sign hanging next to it and is about the thickness of pantyhose.  Spend the extra money and buy yourself a running bra that is reminiscent of body armor.  The girls will thank you.  It may have worked on Baywatch, but in real life, running without support is a disaster for any sister. 

We need to talk about chafing, too.  Yes, I did say chafing.  The most important thing you can get is this little tube of magic elixir called Body Glide.  It goes on like deodorant and will keep your thighs from chafing.  Remember what I said about keeping up appearances?  Nothing is more embarrassing than leaving the park walking with your thighs ten feet apart because you forgot your Body Glide. 

         Now, we’ve got to talk about running and pooping.  I know it can be taboo to talk about poop.  But sisters, it’s a reality we’ve all got to face.  You want to be light as air for your race, which means you’ve gotta poop before you get to that start line.  Personally, I think coffee helps a lot with this.  Have a big cup first thing in the morning.  Hopefully that will get things “moving” before you leave the house.  It’s no fun sitting in a port-a-potty just before a race (or anytime, really), but it’s even worse if you have to go DURING the race.  You try running while holding in a poop.  Seriously, try it.  Let me know how that goes.

Somewhere in the first mile...

About fifteen minutes before the start of the race, you may be thinking, “I need a shot of something if I am gonna get through this.”  You may be in need of some magic potion that will give you an immediate boost of energy and also help you to cross the finish line with energy to spare.  Well, I searched and one such magical potion DOES exist.  At your local sporting goods store, you should be able to find a variety of energy gels that will soup you up like Popeye’s spinach.  I recommend GU’s Vanilla Bean flavored gel with caffeine.  It tastes a lot like a mouthful of thick maple syrup, but in about 20 minutes, you’ll be glad you took this extra step.

When the announcer says, “Runners take your marks… get set…” you’ll start to feel that gel kick in.  Your heart will be pumping and you’ll be ready to take off like the roadrunner as soon as you hear the “GO!”  Trust me when I say to you, start off slowly.  You will want to start off at a jog.  You are going to feel like everyone in the race has passed you.  You may begin to panic.  However, keep a smile on your face.  Pretend to take in the lovely scenery around you.  If there are trees around, crane your neck as though you are listening to the birds as you jog by at a leisurely pace.  Onlookers will say, “Look at how relaxed and peaceful she is!  That is the kind of runner I want to be!”  Even though your lungs may be screaming, you will appear to be completely at ease.

Ryan and Me Just Before the Reindeer Run in Rock Hill, SC

Sisters, fairly soon into your run, you can be sure there will be some kind of hill.  Try as I might, I have been unable to locate a 5K that is run on a completely downhill incline.  And trust me, I have looked.  Do not panic when you come to this first hill, even if it is like the one in my first 5K and seems to be a cliff that rises straight from the ground into majestic proportions.  You may be wondering, how in the world will I ever run up this hill?  If you have been listening at all to what I have told you about appearances, you will have already figured out the answer to this.  You don’t RUN up giant hills.  You will find that you are running at about the same pace as a snail, which just looks silly.  (If you don’t believe me, watch others try to run up this hill and you will see.)  The trick to big hills is to slow yourself down to a walk and take short, quick steps.  I like to call this “Doing the Tim Conway.”  The short steps will always win, and you won’t be gasping like a waterless fish when you reach the top.

Now, if you’re like me, you will find that you simply cannot keep up the runner’s pace for the entire race, especially if you were a true running virgin just six to eight weeks ago. But you do want to appear as though you are a true runner.  You’re going to notice that every so often, there are probably going to be volunteers cheering you on and pointing you in the right direction, especially if you have fallen back from the herd.  You will want these people to admire your feeling of ease and your running stamina.  As soon as you pass these cheering stations, this is the time that you can slow down to a brisk walk and catch your breath.  I have found in my experience that these people are almost always positioned to greet the incoming runners, and they almost never turn around to watch you once you have passed by.  So they will not notice if you slow down for a few minutes.  Just be ready to run when the next cheering station comes into view.

Somewhere along the route of your race, there will most likely be a water station.  Often, these stations are sponsored by local restaurants and are manned by young guys with thick, dark hair, rippled arms and chests, and dazzling smiles.  Sisters, you must resist the urge to stop and flirt, and possibly even ask for a ride to the finish line.  You will want to appear to be a superior runner who is having the time of her life.  So, quickly wipe away your sweat moustache as you approach.  I recommend that you muster up the strength to flash your own pearly whites and grab a cup of water.  This is the only time that it is appropriate to slow to a quick walk while volunteers are watching, mainly because I have found that it is never a good idea to run and drink anything at the same time.  My friend Kelly once did this during a run and accidentally poured the water all over her shirt, turning her 5K run into something of a wet tee-shirt contest.  Many men did cheer her on as she crossed the finish line, although it wasn’t because of her super finish time.

The Reindeer Run 5K-- in the first mile

So, you have almost reached the finish.  This is it—you have almost completed your first 5K and managed to look like a real runner in the process!  The main thing you want as you finish up is to appear as if you have run the entire race, even if you have cheated just a little.  Remember, almost no one saw you cheat, so you are completely free to pretend that it didn’t happen.  As much as it hurts, you’ve got to pick up the pace there at the end.  As my girlfriend Carolyn and I trained our first 5K, we decided to scope out the route ahead of time.  We actually made sure to figure out exactly how far we could run, and figured out that if we began our last running interval at the third telephone pole beside the fire hydrant, we would have just the right amount of steam to be able to cross the finish line at a runner’s pace, thus creating the illusion that we had run the entire distance.  It’s also a good idea to smile and wave to the crowd as you finish, showing that you even have energy to spare.

Can you believe that this is all it takes to complete your first 5K?  And you have done something even more amazing than just complete the race… you’ve managed to keep up appearances while doing it.  I assure you, it is highly likely that others even admired you as you ran.  When I completed my first 5K, my husband and friends were there to greet me at the finish and their first comments were, “I love your skirt!” and “Wow—you look amazing—you are glowing!”  Ok, maybe I exaggerated that last comment, but there were compliments.  I felt amazing, and it didn’t take me long to decide to do it again soon.  In fact, I signed up for another 5K run a month later.  And surprisingly, the whole experience has made me wonder that else I might have been missing out on in my prior life as a couch potato.   You know, there are an awful lots of cute yoga clothes…

A Different Kind of Valentine’s Day

This is my blog’s first Valentine’s Day.  I read a lot of blogs, and most people are writing about a special meal they’ve had or will have with a special loved one.  I guess normally I would be doing the same thing, but this year is a little different, because today we said goodbye to my grandmother, “Dixie” Sharkey.  Today, I spent Valentine’s Day thinking about the special love that is shared between a grandmother and granddaughter. 

Over the past few days, my sisters and I, along with my mom and dad, have been talking about all of the memories we have—and talking about what we will take with us.  I’m a big “symbols” person.  I like little objects that remind me of different people and times in my life.  This weekend, as I was in my grandparents’ home, I kept seeing little reminders of my Memama.

These lipsticks.  Every time I see these green tubes, I think of her.  I remember seeing them in her bathroom in Philadelphia, and on the kitchen table.  They are still sitting on the kitchen counter in her house right now.

For as long as I can remember, this comb, brush, and mirror were on my grandmother’s dresser.  When I was a little girl, I would always pick them up and hold them.  They seemed so fancy.  I always thought they were special.  Once, Memama said, “I’ll will it to you when   I’m gone.”  She was joking, of course.  I had my own set, that was silver, when I got older, but hers were always special.

My grandparents had a huge window in the breakfast area of their kitchen.  These stained glass birds covered the window.  My grandmother loved birds and flowers and loved these colorful stained-glass birds.  I spent so many years looking at those birds as Memama cooked us breakfasts.

You wouldn’t think of many 80+ year-old grandmothers using cell phones, would you?  One year, my mom and dad bought my grandparents a cell phone.  We used to have to call each other long distance.  Imagine that.  Then cell phones made long distance carriers unnecessary.  That phone was probably one of my grandmother’s favorite things.  She would call all of us on it, and we loved calling her, too. 

My grandmother loved dolls.  She had many around her house, but this is one we kept seeing in pictures this weekend.  My little girl once said this doll was “sick” or “mad.”  It certainly doesn’t look happy!  But I think Memama liked dolls who didn’t look like every other doll.  Memama gave Sadie her first American Girl doll last year.  My Sadie loves dolls just like Memama.

My grandmother wrote in her diary every day.  She was so good about doing this. 

Her diaries were used to settle many family arguments.  “Check my diary!”  she would say sometimes.  My grandmother must have been the only person in the U.S. who used a 5-year diary.  There are none to be found in this country.  I have bought her last two for her on eBay from a seller in the U.K.  Her last diary entry was written just a week and a half ago, on my birthday.  Maybe that is where my love of blogging comes from. 

   

Those are just a few things I will always remember.  There are so many more things that I could have included in this post, but I think I’ll save some just for me.

I want to thank all of you for your kind messages and for reading as I’ve been reminiscing a bit.  Sometimes you just need to do that. 

So that was my Valentine’s Day.  It was a different kind of Valentine’s Day this year.  But  it was full of love. 

The Importance of Family

I know I’ve been MIA since Wednesday night. 

Right after I wrote my post about Sushi, I got some sad news.  My grandmother, Memama, had just passed away. 

I’m still waiting for the news to really sink in.  It’s so hard when someone who has been a part of your life for so long is suddenly gone.  My Memama was such a special lady, and over the weekend, my family has been reliving many of our memories of her together.  We will miss her so much.  I plan to do a post on some of my favorite memories, but I’m not quite ready to write that post yet.

It seems like food is a part of every family gathering, and this is no exception.  Last night, Adrienne and I decided we would make “Easy Beefy Cheesy Enchilada Casserole.  We felt like it would be good comfort food.  And it was.  But we would like for you to know that this recipe IS beefy and cheesy.  It is NOT easy. 

This recipe was not really difficult… it just had a million steps and was sort of tedious.  There was a lot of prep work.  It ended up taking the entire family to get this thing together! 

Poppy helped by holding the dishes as we dipped tortillas in red sauce to layer over the beef.  Leenie helped us by shredding cheese.  Meredith helped us by calling out directions and stepping in when we needed an extra pair of hands.  It ended up tasting great, and we think the casseroles were a success because everyone went back for seconds.  But next time we will use prepared enchilada sauce and save some work!  And maybe buy already-shredded bags of cheese.

Then we relived some memories by watching my wedding and Meredith’s wedding on DVD.  It’s always fun to go back and watch family videos.  It’s so nice to be with family right now and enjoy laughter, meals, and memories together. 

Thanks to all of you who have sent such nice comments and emails to me.  It helps to know so many of you are thinking about us.

I’m on a Roll… and I’ve Got a Surprise Coming Your Way!

Tonight I was at the grocery store and had not eaten dinner yet.  I couldn’t resist the sushi.

I’ve never tried a “summer roll,” but this looked too pretty to not try it!

Did you notice those little fingers in the background?

It was ok… but did not have a ton of flavor.  It was served with sweet chili sauce, and I did not think that sauce was the best compliment.  Hmmm…

I also got a California Roll.

Yum!  THIS I liked better!

So… you are probably wondering about the surprise I have in store for you.  Well, I’ll give you a few hints, but let me give you the back story. 

One reason that I started this blog was to give myself a place to do more writing.  I have always loved to write, but lots of time I don’t make time for it.  And as you know, many times I get caught up in food and trying to capture it in photos.  I love that part of blogging!  But I want to expand a little—keep the photos, but do a little more writing. 

Now, back when I was pregnant with Sadie, I had so much fun reading these books called The Girlfriend’s Guides.  There was

• The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy
• The Girlfriend’s Guide to Baby Gear
• The Girlfriend's Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood

Click here to go to the Girlfriend’s Guide website!  You can read more of the GG titles—there are more than the 3 listed above!

Those books were the funniest things ever.  They told you the things that the books written by famous pediatricians would NEVER tell you.  They made you laugh because everything rang true.  As I was reading them, it felt like it was a really close friend who was confiding in me.

Well, I am working on a series of “Sisterly Guides” that I am going to be posting on this blog.  I hope that the Sisterly Guides will be helpful, eye-opening, and most of all, funny. 

Are you wondering… “Sisterly Guides to… WHAT?”  Well, you’re gonna have to wait and see, friends.  But I think you’ll like the first one I am working on. 

So… get ready for the first Sisterly Guide.  It’s coming SOON!

Super Bowl, Dancing, and Chocolate!

Hello, friends!  Did you watch the super bowl?  Me?  Well, I did not.  I took advantage of the occasion to hang out with friends… but I really did not watch more than 1 minute of the game. 

Remember my fancy dinner at Bonterra?  Well, I decided to try and recreate the “S’more Bark” on my truffle platter.

They actually turned out really good!

 

This is the easiest recipe ever.  Melt chocolate chips in a double boiler or in the microwave.  Then, when everything is melted and smooth, dump in crumbled graham crackers and mini marshmallows.  Stir everything together, and then pour onto waxed paper.  I like to smooth it out with a spatula.  Then I place it in the fridge and wait for it to cool.  Break into pieces and voila!  Instant chocolate candy!

I took my “S’more Bark” to two different gatherings yesterday.

After Zumba, I had a chance to hang out with some new Zumba friends and enjoy some chili!  I never thought to put chili over noodles, but it was really good!  I LOVE pasta AND chili… so this was awesome! 

 

And what else would a bunch of Zumba lovers do at a party?  Dance!

Also, my friend Diana brought some Coconut Cream Pie that was so yummy.  I had to leave early, so she gave me a “to go” piece. 

(There would have been a picture here, but it got a little smushed.  Still tasted great, though!)

Then I headed to Kati and Lucas’s house where they were actually watching the Super Bowl.  It was fun seeing my friends.  I couldn’t believe how much my friend Laura’s baby has grown!  She’s not a baby any more!  Sadie had fun playing with her.

 

 

 

The sad news is… by the time I got home, I felt TERRIBLE.  I had a fever and was so weak and shaky.  I have felt yucky all day.  :(  I hate being sick.  I am really hoping to be better tomorrow because I have a FULL day planned.  There is no time for sickness!

Thanks to the husband for picking up dinner.  We have the BEST little Chinese Place near our house: Delicacy China Bistro.  Their food is awesome!  The wonton soup was exactly what I wanted tonight!